Relationship

9 expert tips for staying calm and confident in the early stages of dating

In the early stages of just about anything that could potentially impact your life in a major way, like a burgeoning relationship, there are bound to be feelings of uneasiness. Whether it’s anxiety over the future, your own fears and insecurities, or being worried that you don’t know how to behave in an uncertain situation, it’s not uncommon to get a little stressed. We’ve all had first-date jitters, right? It’s not like they go away immediately after the first date.

Feeling jittery in the early stages of dating? Don’t worry, you’re not alone.(Freepik)

In fact, a lot of the time, they only get magnified once you meet someone you click with. Although first dates can be a little awkward at first, these tips can help you feel more comfortable and confident! Check out our first-date tips to make sure everything goes smoothly the next time you’re out dining and winning. (Also read: Are live-in relationships good for mental health? 5 pros and cons explained)

HT launches Crick-it, a one stop destination to catch Cricket, anytime, anywhere. Explore now!

Expert tips for early stages of dating

Talia Koren, dating coach and relationship expert shared in her recent Instagram post top tips for feeling calmer and confident in the early stages of dating.

1. Lower the stakes

The more pressure you put on dating, and the more you put people and romantic relationships on a pedestal, the more anxiety you’ll have. Lower the stakes and you’ll feel calmer. You don’t need your next date to work out to survive. You’re going to be ok if it doesn’t pan out.

2. Stop waiting by the phone

If you’re having text anxiety, this is the time to lean into your life! Make a list of activities and distractions and pull them out when you feel like you’re waiting for a text back. If Walking, journaling, crafts, cleaning, cooking, exercising, calling friends etc.

3. Focus on the facts

Our anxiety loves to fill in the blanks with stories and assumptions. But what if we let their actions and words be neutral instead? When you sense your mind running off with stories about their behaviour, bring your thoughts back to the present, zoom out and review what’s actually happening.

4. Write it all down

Sometimes when we’re in an anxiety spiral, it helps to just get it all down on paper and out of mind. It’s also a good way to feel through it rather than avoid the feeling through intellectualizing or just taking action. Anxiety propels us to act, when all we really need is to feel and self-soothe.

5. Remind yourself: they’re human

They’re not perfect. They’re not necessary to your survival. They’re not going to save you. You lived your whole life without them. Stop putting people on a pedestal and recognize what’s real and what’s just your fantasy or projection.

6. Go into observer mode

One powerful shift is observing your thoughts instead of letting them consume you. Reframe; “Oh, I’m feeling some anxiety right now. I wonder what that’s about?” From a position of neutral curiosity, you can get a better idea of what you’re feeling and why.

7. Remember that you are safe

When your date takes a long time to text or maybe you see them on the apps – remember that this is not a life or death situation. Your anxiety might make it seem that way! But you are safe. Remember that. This advice does not apply to abusive situations.

8. Ask yourself: Do I like how they make me feel?

If your date consistently makes you feel anxious because they’re inconsistent or sending mixed signals – ask yourself if you like how they make you feel. Ask yourself if you like their behaviour. If the answer is bad/no then maybe it’s time to move on!

9. Ride it out

Even in the most secure relationships and dating situations, anxiety will happen. An amazing skill to learn is being able to ride it out, sit in the discomfort, wait for it to pass and then decide what to do. Avoid making decisions and taking action when you’re experiencing anxiety.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *